The Autumn Of Life
“When you are reluctant to change, think of the beauty of autumn.”
- V.V. Brown
It is in our nature as human beings to resist change as we tend to gravitate towards what is comfortable and routine. With change comes risk, fear of the unknown, uncertainty and a sense that we are losing control. But change also brings with it possibilities, growth and transformation. We need only to look to nature to appreciate the great power in changing. In autumn we are shown the beauty of releasing what is no longer necessary to hold onto. Like a beautiful oak tree, we too are meant to shed and release our “leaves”, stand bare and exposed as we take the time to nourish ourselves from the inside out and ultimately strengthen our roots so that we may flourish once again. When we finally release and let go of those things that are holding us back, life begins to feel more exciting, enjoyable and purposeful.
We begin to heal and strengthen ourselves by first clearing out all of the clutter that is getting in the way of our ability to live a better life and thrive. Clutter leads to feelings of overwhelm and “stuckness”, which is an inability to take a step forward towards change. So what is clutter and how do we begin to clear space for ourselves? Clutter can be loosely defined within these four categories:
Physical Clutter - The material possessions that take up space within our external environment
Mental Clutter - Our thoughts, values, self-imposed expectations and belief systems
Behavioral Clutter - Our regular habits, routines and ways of doing
Relationship Clutter - All of the people in our lives including friends, family and co-workers
In order to change, we first must begin the process of “letting go” of the clutter in our life that is no longer is serving us. When we let go, we give ourselves the beautiful gift of space, freedom, time and peace. We become better able to reflect on those things that are most important to us, we open ourselves up to greater creativity and we allow ourselves to move through the world feeling lighter and less weighed down.
Begin this process of letting go by taking stock of your physical clutter as this is the easiest of the four areas to address. Look around your physical space and ask yourself if the environment you’ve created brings you positive energy or is it draining you. What are the material things that really bring you joy and what are the things that are creating a sense of chaos in your life? Make the decision as to what you want to keep and what can be donated or tossed. The more physical clutter that you can remove from your life, the lighter you will begin to feel and the more space that you open up for other things that matter.
Next, you can address your behavioral clutter by thinking about what habits you have in place that are no longer working for you. Can those habits be modified or do they need to be eliminated all together? Start by choosing just one habit that you would like to change and focus your efforts there. To create new and long-lasting habits we need to start with setting up reminders for ourselves so that we don’t forget our new action steps. This can be done with a post-it note on the mirror, an alarm on your phone or whatever technique works best for you. Next, we need to repeat the new habit over and over again so that in time, the habit becomes a ritual requiring very little thought or effort. Effective habit change takes time so give yourself grace as you move through this process.
Another trick for habit change is to pair your new habit with an existing habit that is already working for you. This is called, habit stacking. For example, if you want to get in the habit of starting your day by drinking more water, remove as many of the roadblocks as possible that could get in the way of that new habit. So, instead of trying to make yourself go downstairs first thing in the morning for a drink, place a bottle of water right in the bathroom by your toothbrush so that when you wake up you have already set yourself up for success. Now instead of your habit being, wake-up - bathroom - brush, it will become wake-up - bathroom - drink - brush. Placing the new habit in an existing system that already works is the key to creating new habits that stick.
Clearing relationship clutter requires you to look at the people in your life and deciding which relationships have run their course, which relationships add value and which relationships require tighter boundaries in order for them to be healthier. Some people add to our life and make it better and some literally drain the energy from us, you have to decide where the people in your life fall and adjust accordingly. Behaviors such as people pleasing, always saying “yes” when you’d rather say “no” and being afraid to hurt someone else’s feelings at the expense of your own mental well-being all become great burdens to bear. Remember, not everyone deserves a seat at your table so take the time to figure out who really matters to you in life and who needs to be held at a distance or possibly, needs to be let go.
Lastly, and arguably the hardest of all, is to address your mental clutter. What are some of the negative thoughts that creep up for you? What kind of chatter is going on inside of your head? What are some of the long held beliefs you hold onto and are they serving you or do you need to rethink them? Shifting your mindset is not an easy task but it is possible with conscious effort and practice. Some ways to change your thinking and clear that mental clutter are as follows:
Practice Mindfulness - Train yourself to become more aware of your thoughts.
Move Away from Perfectionism - Acknowledge that it’s okay to make mistakes. Instead of looking at mistakes as failures, treat them as opportunities for learning and growth.
Practice Gratitude - Look for the good in your life instead of always focusing on the bad.
Cultivate Positive Relationships - You are the company you keep. Surround yourself with positive people that bring good energy into your life and how you think about yourself and others will change.
Proper Self-Care - Make sure you get enough quality sleep, hydrate, move your body regularly and eat nutritious food. All of these habits lead to improved mental well-being.
Embrace Change - Learn to see change as an opportunity for growth rather than a chore to be endured.
Positive Self-Talk - Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. What you believe is what you become.
Nurture Your Curiosity - Be open to new ways of doing, ask questions and seek out new experiences.
Develop Greater Self-Confidence - Forgive yourself, celebrate your strengths and learn from your mistakes.
Letting go and changing is a beautiful, scary, wonderful and messy experience but it’s so worth it in the end. Imagine a life of purpose, meaning and intention. A life that is free from constant busyness, nonstop “have-to’s” and endless self-doubt. Like the trees in nature you too have the ability to grow stronger and flourish again. So as we head into this beautiful autumnal season allow yourself to slow down, turn inward and embrace this next season of your life, the season of letting go and changing.
